The Best of Match

Before I provide you with my final installment on my time at John's studio - and I will, shortly, since
Friday is my last day - I want to pause to write about something else. I know it pains you, but it is
inevitable - the John saga is about to end. I actually got a call from my friend this week expressing
disappointment that my personal hell was drawing to a close (even though that means I get to come
back to Boston and actually see people), because how then would I entertain him with tales of my torture?
Thanks, Josh.

Anyway, I thought I would branch out for today and talk about something else to ween myself off of
John/Sanja tales of ludicrous behavior and prepare myself for re-entry into the world of the
sane. Before I proceed, it should also be noted that I have no pride. So sometimes, I admit things
that others wouldn't publicize (i.e. taking my pants off during a facial). So I am going to proceed along
these lines to reveal that I have spent some time on Match.com in my life. Yes, it's true. I know that may
seem unbelievable (I mean, I HAVE noted my selling points previously:
live in common room of college dorm, am unpaid intern, have twin bed, etc.) But alas, it's true.
I tell you about Match because I want to share some tidbits with you. Some tidbits I really think you'll enjoy,
cut and pasted directly from the fertile pages of Match.com, from the days when I was a subscriber.
(note: the guy in the photo is NOT on Match.com, so don't bother looking)

Here are the bachelors!

"Out of all my accomplishments, graduating from college was the toughest. Nothing ever
comes easy. That is one of the main reasons why today, I consider myself independent, self driven, and
motivated to climb even the highest mountain. At first, I’ll probably fail, but I’ll get up, brush the dirt off
my shoulders, and try again. Eventually, I’ll reach the top and look back upon memories."

Wow. I mean, if that's not an inspiration, I don't know what is.

"I am someone who can sit at home Friday night, get up early Saturday, work out, enjoy Saturday,
then Saturday night go out to a nice restaurant for dinner, enjoy a few drinks after with friends, get up Sunday,
go to breakfast..."

So basically the selling point here is that this guy can get up every day, especially on weekends, and eat.
(Actually, come to think of it, that kind of IS a selling point for me. I hope I bookmarked that profile).

And this here, this here I think you'll enjoy, largely because of the multiple inappropriately used
quotation marks:

"Hi, as of a week or so ago I had a full head of brown hair "but" while sitting and waiting
for my turn at the barber shop I decided "out of the blue" to get a wiffle for some reason....I’m never looking
for trouble but I'm the type of guy that will stick up and defend for my “soon to be girlfriend" family, friends
when it‘s absolutely necessary... "I love using the winter season as my excuse and not those double cheese burgers”
You have to admit they are pretty dam good.” ...I Have a couple of tattoos that are hidden.( I was an athletic, athlete
“ I really have no Idea what that means.)"... Been single for a while by choice. I made that choice for my future
girlfriend, It may be you who knows, I’ll explain later just remind me. I don't know why it is but my soul is now
aching/itching for a woman.... Can't stand people that suck their teeth after eating, "something about that noise"
I hate people that are cruel to animals. ..."ALSO" out of the goodness of my heart I will put you on my
Block Buster account."

I did not make any part of that up. I think my favorite part is that this man makes a point of noting that he
doesn't like people who are cruel to animals. I mean, I would hope that would go without saying.

And finally, this:

"I want a girl who will not make me wait for long time to meet, I want a girl who will not
cheat on there boyfriends and I will not cheat on girlfriends, Plus I don't want head games i just want a girl who
will love me so and i the same with if you want to meet i will not make you wait to long plus other like cheating
and head games and I will love a girl too."

With all of this to choose from, how is it even possible to be single?
(note: Remember the woman who recently made headlines for sitting on her toilet for 2 years straight?
That lady, she had a boyfriend.) What can ya do?